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jana_denardoThis challenge is just that, challenging. I think show don't tell is probably the hardest challenge an author faces. I'm never entirely confident that I have succeeded with it but I gave this my best shot.
Challenges rules : Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:
that it’s morning,
that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
that the MC (main character) is bored
that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise." (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).
Dawn's light shattered against the waves, blinding Lily. The rising gold orb promised to serve up another Florida scorcher. Why Daytona Beach? Why couldn't Tim have picked St. Augustine? At least there was something of interest there: ghost tours, ancient forts, the Lightner Museum. What did Daytona have besides bars and flat, commercialized beach fronts? Oblivious to her mood, Tim headed back toward their hotel, planning their afternoon.
Shoulders wilting, Lily kicked the sand. Grit bit into her feet. Veering off, she cooled her abraded skin in the froth slapping against the beach. Tim’s narrative planning out the minute details of their weekend together went on unabated. Lily walked in the surf. As the sand sucked out from under her toes, tickling her, Lily wished she was back in Orlando with Hikaru and Liam. Granted, they’d remind her that they thought Tim poorly suited her. As Tim pulled her down to sit on the sand, she agreed with them.
As if Tim wasn’t taxing enough, acid lashed up Lily’s throat. The Wastopaneer she had last night wasn’t finished with her, damn Indian food. She lifted her head, facing into the wind. Something rode it other than sea salt and the lingering exhaust from the fools who drove their cars onto the beach.
“Lily, are you listening? I’m trying to tell you about tacise.”
“I’m not sure that’s a word,” she replied, paying him no mind. The scent grew stronger as she headed away from the shoreline.
“It’s a new drink at the Synbatec Spa,” Tim said, following her as she trailed after the smell.
The decay scent strengthened, coating her tongue with a terrible sour taste. Lily came up short when she spotted the battered face of a dead man staring up out of the sand. Behind her, Tim shrieked.
Story is exactly 300 words. It's technically set in my Florida erotic mystery series with dragons (my first challenge was set there too) However, you really can't tell that.
go here to ‘like’ my story. I’m # 71
If you can not post here via open id/anonymous, you can always tell me what you thought via twitter. I'm http://twitter.com/#!/JanaDenardo. Thanks. I hope you enjoy.
Challenges rules : Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:
that it’s morning,
that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
that the MC (main character) is bored
that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise." (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).
Dawn's light shattered against the waves, blinding Lily. The rising gold orb promised to serve up another Florida scorcher. Why Daytona Beach? Why couldn't Tim have picked St. Augustine? At least there was something of interest there: ghost tours, ancient forts, the Lightner Museum. What did Daytona have besides bars and flat, commercialized beach fronts? Oblivious to her mood, Tim headed back toward their hotel, planning their afternoon.
Shoulders wilting, Lily kicked the sand. Grit bit into her feet. Veering off, she cooled her abraded skin in the froth slapping against the beach. Tim’s narrative planning out the minute details of their weekend together went on unabated. Lily walked in the surf. As the sand sucked out from under her toes, tickling her, Lily wished she was back in Orlando with Hikaru and Liam. Granted, they’d remind her that they thought Tim poorly suited her. As Tim pulled her down to sit on the sand, she agreed with them.
As if Tim wasn’t taxing enough, acid lashed up Lily’s throat. The Wastopaneer she had last night wasn’t finished with her, damn Indian food. She lifted her head, facing into the wind. Something rode it other than sea salt and the lingering exhaust from the fools who drove their cars onto the beach.
“Lily, are you listening? I’m trying to tell you about tacise.”
“I’m not sure that’s a word,” she replied, paying him no mind. The scent grew stronger as she headed away from the shoreline.
“It’s a new drink at the Synbatec Spa,” Tim said, following her as she trailed after the smell.
The decay scent strengthened, coating her tongue with a terrible sour taste. Lily came up short when she spotted the battered face of a dead man staring up out of the sand. Behind her, Tim shrieked.
Story is exactly 300 words. It's technically set in my Florida erotic mystery series with dragons (my first challenge was set there too) However, you really can't tell that.
go here to ‘like’ my story. I’m # 71
If you can not post here via open id/anonymous, you can always tell me what you thought via twitter. I'm http://twitter.com/#!/JanaDenardo. Thanks. I hope you enjoy.
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Date: 2011-10-20 02:57 am (UTC)I'm entry #5
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Date: 2011-10-22 05:25 am (UTC)I'm one of the first stage judges and I'm here to let you know you made the second round. Well done!
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Date: 2011-10-22 02:15 pm (UTC)