Riding with Strangers - hook Plus Demon Hunter's Hook

[jana_denardo]

I'm sharing this hook for Riding with Strangers for my erotic urban fantasy/mystery for part of Kimberly Zook's Hooked on Hooks challenge as part of the platform campaign. What a neat, and very helpful, idea. I might be a day late on this (the yahoo group didn't bounce it to me until today) but even so, my usual friends can feel free to comment on this hook too. Does it work for you? Why or why not?
We only have one chance to hook a reader so I want this to be as good as it can be.

Thanks for reading.

“I don’t understand it. I keep seeing a nuclear explosion in your past.” The psychic’s lips thinned. The older woman peered more closely at him. “But it doesn’t feel like a past life.”

Hikaru flashed her secretive smile. “It must have been, I guess. Sure hope it’s not my future.”




ETA - since linky isn't letting me change my url destination I'm putting both hooks here.

click here to go to the other hook, thank you very much


and I hope that others coming here from other journals won't have too much of an issue leaving a comment since Blogspot is really fighting me using open id. sigh.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Er...yeah, we'd hope that, too.

[jana-denardo.livejournal.com]

it would bode ill for Orlando otherwise

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Oh, Orlando, is it?

[jana-denardo.livejournal.com]

well he lives in winter park, goes to school in orlando and is currently in this scene in cassadaga

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

The vampire?

Or Hikaru?

Because I was thinking of the Visigoth vamp.

[jana-denardo.livejournal.com]

Hikaru, this is riding with strangers. I've written literally nothing but a blog post about the vampire

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Don't I feel like a dummy.

[jana-denardo.livejournal.com]

snort. especially since you've read this like a dozen times already

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Yup. D'oh.

Awesome!

[zookbooknook.com (from livejournal.com)]

I really like this hook and am intrigued by the psychic's insight yet questioning it! Then to have Hikaru show a secretive smile makes it all the more intriguing! Great job :)

Re: Awesome!

[jana-denardo.livejournal.com]

thank you very much. I'm so glad you liked it. I appreciate the input.

[silvrethorn.livejournal.com]

Isn't it some kind of Ultimate Evil to open with dialog? I've read repeatedly that I shouldn't do it, but I'm not clear on why.

[jana-denardo.livejournal.com]

I have honestly never heard that so I can't answer you. i had this opening with exposition before and everyone told me not to do THAT too.

[gail shepherd (from livejournal.com)]

I've heard this too, about not opening with dialogue, but I don't think it's a hard and fast rule. Everything seems clear here, except the old woman peers at "him" and then Hikaru flashes "her" secretive smile. Which is totally confusing. Is there a third person in the picture? It's an interesting opening for sure, although it does seem to have some things in common with "Heroes."

[jana-denardo.livejournal.com]

thank you very much. I hadn't heard that but it is something to consider. There are three people there but you might not be able to tell from this so I'll go look at the line in full context.

Hmm didn't consider that about Heroes. A few lines later and it won't look like that at all (he actually did live thru Hiroshima)